solution

Your Task The following wordy, inefficient, and disorganized message invites department heads to three interviewing sessions to select student interns. However, to be effective, this message needs revision. Study the message and list at least five weaknesses. Then revise to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition. Also think about how to develop an upbeat tone and improve readability. Can you reduce this sloppy 15-sentence message to six efficient sentences plus a list—and still convey all the necessary information?

To: Department Heads

From: Christina Miranda

Subject: Interns

As you probably know, your management team has been discussing the possibility of having interns. We just made the decision to offer compensation to the interns in an internship program because in two fields (computer science and information systems) interns are usually paid, which is the norm. However, you may be disappointed to learn that we can offer only three internships.

In working with our nearby state university, we have narrowed the field to six excellent candidates. These six candidates will be interviewed. This is to inform you that you are invited to attend three interviewing sessions for these student candidates. Your presence is required at these sessions to help us avoid making poor selections.

Mark your calendars for the following three times. The first meeting is April 5 in the conference room. The second meeting is April 7 in Office 3 (the conference room was scheduled). On April 15 we can finish up in the conference room. All of the meetings will start at 2 p.m. In view of the fact that your projects need fresh ideas and talented new team members, I should not have to urge you to attend and be well prepared. There are six candidates that you should rank in order of your preference.

We ask that you examine the résumés of the candidates at the company website and send me your ranking lists before March 25.

Christina Miranda

[Full contact information]